Restoration Part I

A few weeks ago Adam and I piled into my dad’s kombi and drove up to Rockingham to grab a desk and a tv that a lady had offered to us on freecycle. I love freecycle. I have gotten rid of so much stuff I didn’t want; bags of old kids clothes, a ugly wardrobe that sat in the sun room with nothing in it for months, Adam’s old computer which only worked when it wanted to. I’ve also picked up a heap of stuff – a bbq (next restoration job), an old Atlas for Kaidin to cut maps out of, a huge tv and the desk. It took a bit of manouvering to get the desk into the kombi and we drove home with Adam holding onto it so it wouldn’t fall through the window or onto the dog.

The desk was quite big, but old and grotty; one leg was slipping; the top was very worn and stained. I decided this was the perfect job for using the sander than mum gave me for christmas last year. When I was growing up Mum restored a few bits of furniture – sanded back and revarnished the computer table (now my dining table), sanded the gross black paint off an old sea chest (now her coffee table) and some small cupboards and chairs. About a year ago, I decided that I really wanted to start making furniture out of packing crates. Mum’s dining table is made out of packing crates, and I have always found the idea of recycling wood fascinating. But until I get a ute or a trailer so I can go and get the wood, I’ll have to be content with sanding back and revarnishing old wooden furniture from freecycle.

At this point I went inside for a break – sanding makes your hands go so numb!

Note: No I’m not pregnant! I just have an obsession with smock style tops in summer – so comfortable.

Finally I finished. Tomorrow I have to buy some sandpaper and wood glue to sand the joins that the sander couldn’t reach and glue the leg and part of the top back on. Then I’ll varnish it. I was going to stain it dark brown, but once I finished sanding I found the wood is such a gorgeous colour that I want to keep it as light as possible. It is silky and gorgeous. I have no idea what type of wood it is, but it’s really soft and easy to sand. Next time however, I’m definately doing it out of the sun – I have a very red back. Stay tuned for the next segment!

Walking It Off

It’s probably not the best thing when you start talking advice on living from Law and Order SVU. I love crime shows, and SVU is probably my favourite In last weeks episode Finn and Elliot nearly come to blows over Finn’s some being charged and the Captain gets in between them and yells “walk it off”.

So today, when Adam and I had a disagreement about some stupid, petty thing that I can’t even remember now, I decided that instead of doing my usual thing, which is sulking for hours or crying about how unfair everything is or getting in the car and driving to nowhere in particular just away, I would take Cragen’s advice and walk it off.

Around the corner from my house is a large tract of undeveloped bushland, a kind of buffer between the train station and the urban area, where a few boys with motor-cross bikes like to ride around and a few locals like to dump old mattresses and tvs and a few people like me like the opportunity to take their dogs off the leash. Pepper has a halti collar and lead, which fits over her nose to stop her pulling. I love it, because it means she can’t rip my arm out of the socket (and if she can do that now, imagine what it’d be like when she was full grown) and even Kaidin can hold her when we walk her, but she hates it. Absolutely loathes it. So I take it off and let her run around whenever I can – she gets a lot more exercise this way.

So after about 5 minutes of sulking, I pulled on the dogs leash, slammed the gate to the carport and stormed off down the street to the bush, muttering under my breath about how crap everything was. When we got to the edge of the bush I clipped off Pepper’s lead and started to walk along the bike tracks.

I challenge you to try and stay mad, or even remember what you were mad about, when you are listening to a million insects, birds and rustling rabbits (I hope they were rabbits); the wind rustling through tree leaves and dried grasses; the dog pounding down the track in search of small animals*. The sun was shining, the trees gave a lovely dappled shade and littered here and there were some absolutely lovely feathers from Twenty Eight parrots and magpies and some white pigeons.

I always considered myself to be stubborn person. Open to learning and able to admit (after a few days, maybe) that I am wrong, but when I know I am right, I stick to my guns and I can sulk alongside the best of them. Today it all fell away. With every feather I picked up, every step I took, the anger literally melted away from me and by the time I’d walked for a half hour I could barely even remember what had driven me out of the house in such a huff. Even the rotting appliances and rusty mattress prings didn’t spoil the beauty of the bushland and I could swear that the trees were trying to whisper secrets to me. It was a lovely, lovely time and I came back refreshed and renewed and ready for a quick dip in our pool to cool off.

Kaidin playing with the feathers

So the next time I get mad or upset or sulky or sooky or afraid or just plain cranky, instead of letting those emotions take hold, I am going to ‘walk it off’. Everybody wins – whoever was making me cross gets a time out, I get some room to breathe and the dog gets extra exercise. Just another little way that I am taking control of my life and writing a new script for the story.

*For those of you who are going “You irresponsible twat, you let your large toothed dog chase after small animals”, let me reassure you – Pepper couldn’t catch anything to save her life, let alone when she is as well fed as she is. She just chases russles. Once a rat popped out of a hole she had stuck her nose in and she jumped up in fright and ran off down the track. So don’t worry, my dog is a uncoordinated wimp and the defenseless little fluffies are safe.

Running Away to Russia

Running Away to Russia

Originally uploaded by skgillespie
The latest page in my moleskin, furthering my ‘Places to Visit’ entry – a collage entry of what and why in Russia.

Each time I find pictures and things to collage in my journal I find myself getting more and more inspired for further pages – I could stay up all night and write about Catherine the Great or the matyred Romonov family (guess whose side of that debate I’m on!) or the history of the Summer Garden or the beautiful ikons that Russia is famous for or folk stories like how Ivan rescues the Princess from the evil wizard… it goes on.

In other news, I am ready to kill my dog, cute as she is, because I just found her underneath my bed chewing on a library book (Science and the Akashic Field by Ervin Laszlo) and she had chewed the plastic off my new moleskin notebook (which cost $20) and had eaten half the spine and the top corner. It serves me right for leaving them on the floor after Adam kicked them off the bed today, but the library book is the second i have to replace this month (she also chewed up Russian for Dummies) and so now I’m just throwing my hands in the air, crying ‘Waaaaah’ very loudly and wishing she would stop burying the thousands of chew toys I have bought for her and chew them instead!

Short Takes

It is a full moon tonight. Watch out for werwolves!

Kevin Rudd is now the Australian Prime Minister. Congratulations to him and the Labor Party. The Greens did get a good number of votes too, especially in my electorate, which is a very good thing.

I am in love with this Japanese Chiyogami paper from Monograms Fine Papers. I can’t wait to start making and printing my own paper, but I could easily be talked into buying some of this to decorate candles with when I head up here next week to buy some supplies – it’s divine! This picture is from abitblue, who makes absolutely gorgeous art out of different papers. I’m hideously jelaous of her talent.

I heart Cutex Nail Recovery – my normally chipped and broken nails are actually long enough for a manicure next week when I go for my massage at Spoilt Rotten (Chloe is an angel I swear – if you are ever near Mandurah you must go and see her).

How to Build Intimacy in Any Relationship over at Think Simple. Be Decisive is certainly a new habit that I will be starting with Adam (hehe Tina’s man is also called Adam). I am really working at the moment on listening and paying attention to other people – actually putting down my book or the computer and making it so whoever wants my attention feels like they are the most important thing in my life. It makes everyone feel so much more appreciated and usually takes less time than going ‘Uh huh. Yep. Uh huh…. what did you say again?’ when I am only paying half attention. The Intimacy post goes a few steps further, focusing on what the speaker experinced that day.

Finally, Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who celebrated it this weekend – here in Australia we don’t have Thanksgiving, but I still like to take a moment this weekend to recognise everything I’m thankful for – here is an abbreviated version of my list: I’m thankful for my family and friends, especially those I haven’t seen for a long time, but who still make time for phone calls and impromptu visits, for the wonderful people in my community who are part of freecycle and the wonderful things that I have recieved, for my pets who snuggle me on cold nights, for my health and the continued health of my little family, for my new job and for Adam getting more hours so we can start saving for our land, for everyone who reads and comments and encourages me with this new blog and for everyone and everything that has made a diffence in my life, positive or negative, because that has helped me become the wonderful person that I am today.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

This lovely post from the uber talented Lesley got me thinking -what would i do if I were not afraid? If I was not afraid of failing or falling short, of losing out, of being judged or hated or (the worst) disapproved of, of being broke or homeless, of losing family or friends and finally, if I was not afraid of falling back into the deep dark bell jar?

Ponder this for a moment – what is the worst that could happen? The things I’ve listed above are indeed terrible things – losing your loved ones or all your possessions, being perceived as a bad person, even by yourself. But what are the chances that doing the things you want to do will end in these catastrophic events? If you really think about it, the chances are pretty slim.

So I have decided to come up with a list of things that I want to do, the reasons I am afraid to them and the chances of anything really bad happening if I take that risk weighed against the benefits of success.

If I were not afraid I would start creating my own jewelry and selling it at markets and on etsy. I am afraid that no one will like my designs, that I will buy a heap of equipment that I can’t pay off because I don’t make any money selling my pieces, that I will be bad at making jewelry – that I wont learn the techniques and my art will suck.

What is the worst that could happen? I lose some money. If I limit my outlay to a few hundred dollars that I can easy pay back within a few weeks of my normal job I’m not going to beggar myself. Plus the money I save from buying store jewelry for myself and presents will be about the same as what i spend on equipment. If no one likes my pieces I can give them away as presents to relatives that have to appreciate them, or I can keep them for myself or give them to charity. Good marketing will mean that someone somewhere will want to bu my designs though – it’s just a matter of getting the stuff out there. If I’m no good at creating jewelry I will just have to take a course and buy some books and spend more time looking at jewelry online for inspiration.

If I do a tafe course in jewelry not only will it give me better skills but also a qualification that could lead to an apprenticeship if I ever want to make this more than a hobby. If I get good at making and selling my art I could make enough money to work in precious metals, creating beautiful unique pieces that people beg me to buy. I could wear gorgeous jewels that I created myself and keep some for my family and friends as beloved presents. Everyone would be after my jewelry.

If I were not afraid I would speak with a lot of natural therapists about the best way to get a job, perhaps asking one of them to be a mentor for me or doing occasional reception work. I am afraid of rejection, that people who have studied natural therapies will think I am not spiritual enough or natural enough (when I get a headache I take ibuprofen, not willowbark). I am afraid that no one will want to talk to me, that I will look stupid or unprofessional, that no one will give me a chance or want me to work for them. I am afraid that people will judge me for asking for work instead of paying for a course, that I will look cheap or like I want to swindle people.

The worst that could happen is that some people don’t want to help me, for whatever reason, and this is something that I cannot change. All I can do is be honest and open about what I want and what help I need. Hopefully, if I look hard enough (and don’t stop looking if someone rejects me due to their own close-mindedness) I will find what I am looking for – a teacher.

I can also work more on practising what I preach – implementing more natural techniques like yoga and actually taking classes in order to meet like minded people who can help me on my path. I could meet some lovely people who are kind and helpful and give me good advice about what is the best way to begin practising natural therapies – someone could even offer me a job and to sponsor my education in this field. Also I could make new friends who are happy to have me practise on them. Eventually I will get my qualifications and when I do I will have a large network of friends and associates who are more than willing to recommend me to clients and help me set up my own successful clinic.

If I were not afraid, I would start getting wood together to start making hope chests and bookshelves. I am afraid that I will not be able to make these, that it will be too hard or that once I make them they will be inferior and no one will want them. Again I am afraid of the money and time outlay, the space and whether I will get bored and give up.

The worst that could happen if I end up with half a shed full of unused tools (that are quite expensive) and rotting wood, or half finished projects, or finished projects that no one wants, with Adam judging me for wasting time and money. But if I focus, I will get it done. I need to start a timetable – a daily planner that has my work roster, time for chores, writing, exercise, reading and working on projects. Even if I only work on it twice a week that will be enough to get things done and convince Adam that it’s not a waste of time and money. If no one wants my things then I can always use extra chests and bookshelves myself or give them to family or charity. The library has plenty of woodwork books and the local Bunnings does demonstrations quite often where I could meet people who also do woodwork that could possibly critique and encourage me. If I ask my family for some of the larger tools for Christmas and work with only a few tools until I know I can sell stuff then there will be little original cash outlay, so I wouldn’t be losing any money.

Eventually I could move onto bigger and better furniture – furnishing my whole house in original handmade woodwork. I could give presents that will be cherished and passed on through generations and sell enough to be able to work in gorgeous woods. In the long run, I could even grow my own wood sustainably at our farm, to work into wonderful furnishings that are treasured by whoever owns them.

This is only three things that I’ve had on the back-burner for a few years now, never wanting to take the plunge. Once I have written them out like this I am realising that it’s not so scary – the world is not going to spin the other way if something doesn’t work. the worst off I could be is a bit out of pocket and have some people unwilling to help me. Not nearly as bad as I had built it up to be.

I encourage everyone to do this exercise yourself. Think of a few things you are afraid to do – it could be little, like my things here, or big deal things like leaving a bad relationship or moving to a new country. Ask yourself what you are afraid to do and then what is the worst that could happen if you did it? The very worst. Now counter that – what could you do to prevent or reverse the worst from happening? Then add the positive steps – what would happen if everything turned out perfectly. It’s quite liberating and very encouraging – I’m going to start yoga classes next week in an effort to meet some people who could possibly help me with my natural therapy yearnings.

Nightmares and Lucid Dreams.

I just woke up from the most horrid dream _ I was lost in some industrial city after knock off time – all the gates that I had come through to get there were now locked and I had to find another way out. In pitch darkness. Through puddles. With unsavoury types hanging around in bushes looking at me. With no cell phone reception. And I had this horrible feeling that I had forgotten to vote.

Today is Election Day in Australia. I’m voting for the Greens. Is who you are voting for going to look after the planet? There are no jobs on a dead planet.

I’m a big baby when it comes to dreams. I quite often have lucid and precognitive dreams, which is a good thing, but when I have nightmares they are horrible ones which leave me immobile in bed, too scared to even whimper and not sure if I’m really awake. Right now I have the dog, two cats and a large hunk of warm, snugly man in my bed and I’m still to scared to lie down and close my eyes in case I slip back into my nightmare (which also included a Socialist Alliance guy giving me a 3 shaped hash brown – strange).

I try and write down my dreams when I remember them. I have noticed some patterns over the years – I dream more (or remember more) during the day when I nap or sleep on the couch for one. I also have more than one dream when I nap; yesterday when I slept on the couch for a few hours I had about 5 separate dreams, with a brief moment of wakefulness between each one. I don’t particularly wake up fully rested when I have heaps of dreams, but I think it is worth it for some of the insights I get into my unconscious mind.

My lucid dreams are generally very short. I used to have lucid (ie: dreams where you are aware that you are dreaming) dreams quite often, but would wake up easier. Generally I am a very deep sleeper, but I wake from lucid dreams at the drop of a hat. I learnt lucid dreaming techniques at a very early age from my mother. When I was younger I had terrible nightmares – I still cannot sleep on my back as I dream horrid things – and mum would often have to wake me up or be woken up herself when I slipped into my parents bed. One day she told me that when I had a scary dream I had to just realise that I was dreaming and change the channel, like I’d do if I didn’t like a program on tv. While I’ve never had this technique work this easily, becoming aware that I am dreaming when I start to have a nightmare definitely helps me shape the dream and send it in a more pleasant direction. Sometimes just becoming aware that I am having a nightmare is enough to make the terror fade or me wake up.

When I have precognisant dreams, I am not aware of it until it comes to pass. This is where keeping a dream journal is a good idea – not only can you analyse your dreams for messages your subconscious is giving you (I suggest Dream Alchemy by Ted Andrews and Breakthrough Dreaming by Gayle Delaney over any of those ‘dream dictionaries’ for interpreting dreams), but it is also possible to look back after a period of time and find out if any of your dreams literally came true. I have always kept journals and every now and again it astounds me that I can look back through one from years ago, where I have written a dream, and find out that dream came true.

If you want to encourage your dreams, both the above books give great techniques, such as use of essential oils and dream bags, lucid dreaming techniques (I often try the trick of chanting to yourself before you go to sleep; “When I see a red ribbon, I will know I’m dreaming”) and the keeping of dream journals for analysing dreams; an act that in itself helps the subconscious to send you messages when you dream. You will be astounded by what comes when you open yourself to the possibilities of dreams. For the science of it all, I suggest having a look at the articles here.

Places to go.

Part of my desire to become a better person was embracing my wish to be more creative in my every day life and tr to draw or write something every day. I have a moleskin notebook (Thanks to Gala for insisting that every person should carry one) which I bought off Ebay and carry with me everywhere, along with a few pens and pencils so I can create whenever the mood takes me.

This is yesterday’s effort – a simple list of places around the world I want to see and what I want to do there. It was written at the DMV while Adam was doing his test to get his license back – click on the picture for the bigger, more readable version.

Today is Buy Nothing Day. In an attempt to lower their ecological footprint, people worldwide are attempting to spend one day without purchasing anything. I think this is a great idea. I had to run down and grab washing powder late last night and I’m going to refuse to go near a shop all day just to avoid temptation.

It’s so easy to consume. Advertising is everywhere, making products that we probably don’t need seem ever so tempting. My son watches cartoons of a morning and every advertisement is for a new plastic wrapped toy or refined foodstuff that he simply must have because it was endorsed by some cartoon character. Convinience is also a big thing for me – popping down to my local IGA for late night groceries to whip up for dinner instead of doing a weekly shop or getting pizza and dvds because I’m too tired to cook and entertain myself.

So today I am joining the anti-consumerism revolution – will you come too?

Goals and Dreams

I just got back from walking my dog and it is really hot out there! And it was only 9am when I left. The fact that each year the summers are getting hotter, earlier, really brings home to me how we all need to put in an effort to help lower greenhouse emissions and increase oxygen levels by planting trees; every summer I think ‘Wow, it’s NEVER been this hot’ and then the next summer, it’s hotter. Although it isn’t really summer here, it’s still spring, the temperatures are in the low 30s (celsius) every day and I live in the lower half of WA, where the heat is meant to be fairly temperate.

Luckily, Pepper likes to nap in the heat of the day too, esepcially after a long walk.

I walked the dog down to our local shopping centre, which is just far enough to give the dog a decent walk but not too far that I have to lie down and nap when I get home. We are lucky where we live – our two local shopping centers (one main one and one IGA which is open late some nights) are within walking distance and the new train station (which we have been promised will open in December every year for the last 3 years) so the only reason to use the car is the fact that it’s air conditioned. I’m trying to get up earlier so I can get groceries and do the stuff I need to do while it’s still cool, then stay inside during the heat of the day.

Adam and I have been speakng about finances. We know that our dream is to own a chunk of land big enough for a hobby farm – approx 5 to 10 acres – and build our own ecologically friendly house with a studio for my jewelry and woodwork , a shed for his cars and motorbikes (the guy is a motoX fiend!), a food forest and enough room for a few goats and pigs, three horses, chickens of course and maybe a cow or a few sheep. Oh and I want a barn full of cats and puppies. To most people that would probably sound like a fairly modest dream, but put in the fact that we have no savings, a large debt to pay off (the car loan), we are renting a house at $220 a week and only one of us is working (Adam is a security guard at the local hospital. I am hoping to get a ‘Christmas casual’ position, but I put my uni degree above any job at the moment).

At the moment I am reading Write It Down, Make it Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser which I got from bookmooch (the only way to recycle books and absolutely loving it. The premise is basically that you write down your goals and that starts the process of getting to those goals. Along the way there are other things you can do – write down any fears that could stop you from acheiving your goals, free writing to find goals you weren’t consciously aware of, writing down accomplishments and gifts that have already come to pass. So I have decided to make a page of this blog a dedication to our dream home, writing down our goal in detailed description, what is holding us back and how far we have already come. I;ll also be adding a donations button – all donations will go towards our house building fund (which incidently is where all my christmas casual money minus $50 a week will be going). Our Dream Home page can be viewed here.

First Fruits

A few months ago I dug up a few square feet of my back lawn to plant a vege patch. I made it way too small, so there is lettuce and strawberries and herbs and cucumbers all squished together, which snails love – it’s gourmet feast and they barely have to move to get at it all.

The real showstopper is the tomatoes. You know when you plant plants how you are supposed to read how big they’ll grow and then plant twice as many so you can remove the weaker seedlings once the stronger ones get bigger? There were no weak tomato seedlings. Every tomato plant that I planted (including the ones in pots which had been straggling along for weeks before dug the patch and which I was sure I’d killed by lack of water at least several times) grew and grew and grew. The tallest one now is about 3ft high.

I water them lovingly. I pull buffalo grass out from their edges. I planted basil in between them in the hope that I could have fresh basil and tomato on toast (all I need is a baby buffalo for boccochini and I’d be all set). I spread chook poo and cow poo and water saving crystals anda heap of other stuff around their stems and I poured seaweed solution on themuntil I realised how many midgies seaweed solution attracts. I love love love my tomatoes.

I love to eat tomatoes. Brushetta, tomato salad, skewers, caserole and ragu – yum. So I was quite happy with my over achieving tomato plants, until I realised how long it takes tomatoes to ripen. There has been baby cherry tomatoes on one of the pot plants for what seems like weeks now. Month even. There are millions of little roma tomatoes that refuse to turn any colour but green. So many tomatoes and not a one for me to eat already.

It was a big deal today, because I decided that even though it was still slightly orange, I was going to eat my first tomato. The first yield of my vege patch (apart from the occasional lettuce leaf or cat nip sprig – Momo goes nuts over catnip). It was a big moment.

It was delicious Now I’m just hoping that I don’t get a complete glut of ripe tomatoes all at once and get sick of them.

I need a maid.

Why does my property manager always show up at 9am on the dot when the letter she sends clearly states ‘Your rent inspection will be between nine and three’? There is a good six hours there that I could spend cleaning. Plus I was in my dressing gown and that’s always not pretty. The dressing gown is – it’s blue and has cows on it and is so very warm – but me with my hair unbrushed and stinky morning breath, trying to be nice when I’ve had only 5 hours sleep and the dog has eaten my feather duster and left sticky feather remainders on the back lawn with all the holes… Very unpretty.

At least the house is clean. The back room is still hideously untidy and unvacuumed and the storage boxes are scattered instead of stacked neatly and I’ve just realised that I didn’t wipe down my desk, but who has a tidy sun room? really?

So now I can just run off to my day (Job interviews and lunch with my ex, wish me luck for both) and hope that she passes me even though Pepper has dug the doggy version of the grand canyon in the garden out the back and the front lawn is dying from the heat. At least that way I wont have to touch a mop for another three months.

It’s not that I’m lazy. I’m honestly not. It’s just that there are millions of things I’d rather be doing than lifting the couch to vacuum under it or making sure all the washing is put away in drawers instead of just thrown on top of them, like reading or playing with the dog or watching tv. Supernatural was on last night and if you think I’m going to scrub the grout in my bathroom rather than watch Jensen Ackles and Lauren Cohen throw witty rejoinders at each other, then you best get another thought fast.

Somewhere in between digging crap out from under my bed and doing the dishes (yes that IS Adam’s job, yes he DID sleep all yesterday while I cleaned. I wish I could work night shift. Then I could do nothing too.) I started reading Terry Pratchett’s The Science of Discworld which he wrote with Ian Stewart and Jack S. Cohen. And it is very very good. I started wondering about the extremes of focus, of aperture if you like, the idea that you can become obsessed with either the big stuff (aka finding out where we came from and where we are going*) or the small stuff (not ask the questions and just look at our own personal microcosmos – what am I going to eat today? Does pink look good on me?).

I was thinking about not knowing, being naieve as to the hows and whys of our universe and how much I am ok with that. Maybe I am focussed more on the ‘me’ side. Some scientists say that if I see my house as clean, it will be clean. That if I ‘think’ rich, I will become rich. Either way, I get a clean house (if I’m rich I will so hire a maid). Maybe the entire universe was created simply so I could have a clean house. Wouldn’t my landlord love that.

Well I am off to my job interview now, thinking rich thoughts. It’s still too early for Quantum Physics.