Summer Colds

It is 34 degrees outside and I have a head cold, a sore throat and an aching chest. I hate summer colds. Despite the scientific evidence that cold and flu are caused by bugs, not by actually being cold (although being cold does lower your natural immunity to these bugs, because your body works to keep warm, not to keep nasties out of your system), there is something terribly annoying and inconvenient about summer colds.

I suffer from allergies to begin with – grass and pollen, animal hair and dust – it all makes me sneeze. The allergens are around more in summer, with no rain to  clear the air and more animals moulting due to the heat; so between my allergies and this head cold, I have turned into a sniffly, snuffly whinging wreck; sleeping all day and only waking up to drink litres of orange juice and take more echinacea (Adam is such a good boy sometimes – I asked for cold and flu tablets and he got the all natural ones for me, even though they are usually hidden on a bottom shelf somewhere at our local chemist).

If you wake me up without bringing bowls of chicken soup, I will sneeze on you and give you my bugs. I’m planning to sleep until I’m better.

Keeping It Positive

I had a terrible day at work today. I only did 6 hours, but every hour dragged by, my 30 minute lunch break seemed like 5 minutes and everyone I talked to seemed to have it in for me. I’m sure everyone has had this day, or worse, at some point or another. As I was driving home I was looking forward to bitching to Adam or worse, going online and publishing here exactly what I thought of my workmates, customers and work in general.

I realised that telling everyone how horrible my day wasn’t isn’t going to make my day any better. In fact, it’s probably going to make worse the day everyone I tell is having. I’m certain Adam, who is just waking up, doesn’t really want to be greeted with “I hate my job and want to die”, just as I’m sure people don’t come to this blog to hear “working in a clothing store sucks donkey balls”.

So my mission is to turn everything bad that happened today into a positive..

1. Negative: The power went off this morning, so I couldn’t blow dry my hair and I did my makeup in partial darkness.
   Positive: I didn’t have to waste my power drying my hair and I was ready 5 minutes earlier than usual, plus we get shiny new power poles all down my street.
2. Negative: When I got to work my 2IC told me I couldn’t work with wet hair in pigtails, so I would have to dry it in the staff toilets under the hand blower – how embarrassing!
   Positive: The three people that came into the toilets when I was drying my hair had a bit of a giggle, but one said it was a good idea. I saw her later in the day and she commented on how good my hair looked and that you couldn’t tell I hadn’t done it with a proper dryer. My 2IC was happy that I didn’t make a fuss, I just went and did what she asked and the other girls I work with are happy to have a story – “Remember Shannon, when you had to dry your hair with a hand blower?”
3. Negative: No one comes in to the store alone, there is either no one or 50 people at once.
   Positive: Because I was the one floating around on the floor trying to greet everyone, I managed to make 8 sales of over $100 and one lady took the time to tell me that I was great, even though it was obvious I was a bit rushed.
4. Negative: My lunch was too short, I rushed it and ended up feeling bloated.
   Positive: I got a small time out to read my Michael S Rohan book*, but there wasn’t enough time to get out of the zone, so I didn’t have to refocus when I came back to work
5. Negative: My feet started to hurt.
   Positive: I am getting paid good money and walking around all day means I don’t have to exercise as much outside of work.
6. Negative: Customers are stupid.
   Positive: Some customers are nice and they make up for the ones who aren’t.
7. Negative: When I got home Adam was still in bed asleep.
   Positive: It was nice to come home after a rough day and have a quick cuddle in bed, but I’m glad I have a few moments to myself to type this out and fiddle with the garden before he wakes up.
8. Negative: Because I had to work until 4 I’ll barely have time to walk the dog before I have to get Kaidin.
   Positive: I’ll just take her for a quick run down the oval and then maybe walk her again once Kaidin is asleep. And longer shifts mean more money anyway.

And there are some extra positives – the dog didn’t chew anything that she’s not allowed to chew, my pale pink roses look brilliant and there are a heap of bright red tomatoes just begging to be made into tomato salad in the garden.

Writing this post has helped me to see that while 30 minutes ago I was grumpy and angry and altogether rather unhappy about how my day had turned out, just by thinking of the positive aspects of exactly the same events, you can change your mood and the type of day you’ve had. Writing this hasn’t changed what happened today, but it has changed how I look at it and how I feel. Now I am off to eat icecream, maybe skip a little and walk the dog before I pick up my son.

Dancing in the Rain**

*I’m reading the Anvil of Ice and Mr Rohan is so great – when I emailed him to tell him how wonderful his book is and that I’m enjoying it and that I’m an anthro student who longs to be a fiction writer, he took the time to write me back a long, juicy email about what he used as the anthro background to his stories and some tips on researching for fantasy. It’s just brilliant when a famous writer actually makes time for a fan.

** Yes I know my posture is horrible here – nice curvy spine (I typed ’spiny curve’ about 3 times then. I think I need more sleep) and no mum, I’m not pregnant I’m just sticking my stomach out.

Zen and the art of raising hyperactive children

I say children in the title, even though I only have one child at the moment, because when I finally get around to having more there’s a very good chance that they are going to be small, hyperactive monsters also.

I always knew that there was a good chance that any child of mine was going to be hyperactive. My son has the concentration span of a goldfish, only actively listens to about 20% of what anyone says, finds it hard to entertain himself for any longer than 20 minutes and constantly demands attention – any kind of attention. Which is somewhat of a trial, to say the least.

Scoring a rare sugar treat at the Walk Against Warming
Note: The child to adult ratio at a big event like this should be 1:2, especially if you decide to bring the dog (Big disaster).

When Kaidin was young I decided that he would enjoy fruit and veges more than sugar. And I’ve pretty well succeeded – offer him a mango or a lolly and he’ll go straight for the mango. He snacks on raw carrots and celery and capsicum and prefers salad to heavy carbohydrate foods. I was told when he started showing signs of hyperactivity to feed him protein rich foods on a regular basis, avoid anything that had refined sugar, red colouring or high GI, which would make the hyperactive times worse and the post-energy slump intolerable. It worked pretty well – instead of 3 meals he had 5. Even his daycare and school fitted in with morning tea/recess and an afternoon snack.

His average school lunch is cut up fruit for recess (each child in his class brings a piece of fruit or veg or a wedge of cheese to share), a small tub of yoghurt, fruit juice, a ham and cheese sandwich (or a cheese and vegemite sandwich), more chopped fresh or dried fruit and then a treat (natural muesli bar, celery and peanut butter and in rare cases when I’m cross with his teachers, a chocolate bar like a chomp). Most kids in his class have a sanwich with hazelnut spread or jam, some highly processed muesli bar or rollup, a packet of chips and a sugary drink. I don’t see how this fills them up. Kaidin has a whole container just for chopped fruit that he can snack on – how much energy and nutrition can be in a processed lunch. And yet, he is one of the most hyperactive kids in his class – imagine if I did just feed him sugar!

Going nuts at the Fun Fact’ry
Kaidin’s biggest problem is probably listening skills. He simply doesn’t hear people asking him to do things (or NOT do things). Adam’s solution has been to get Kaidin to repeat every instruction back to him at least twice to make sre he has heard it. Sometimes this takes a bit of repeating! An example – It’s 7:30 and Futurama has finished, but the credits are rolling and the theme music is still on.

Me: Ok Kaidin, clothes in the laundry basket, go to the toilet and jump in the bath.
Kaidin: Ok Mum
Me 5 minutes later: Kaidin – in the bath
Kaidin: Ok Mum
Me 7 minutes later: Kaidin go to the toilet and get in the bath
Kaidin: Ok Mum (finally gets in the bath)
Me: Did you go to the toilet and put your clothes in the laundry?
Kaidin: No. You didn’t ask me to.

It’s not that he’s being naughty – It just literally goes in one ear and out the other! We are working on routine and repitition. He knows what time he comes home, watches Simpsons, has dinner, has a bath, goes to bed. He knows that he has to put his clothes in the laundry basket, his bag in his room, his shoes in his wardrobe and his plates in the sink. It is the constant repetition that has allowed him to remember this, not the telling. Routine is so important for hyperactive children – not only can you plan your day in advance around energy peaks and slumps, but when chores and activities become automatic it is much easier for children to complete them after being told only once.

Headed off to school (and very reluctant to stand still for a photo)

As well as routine, a reward system works really well with most hyperactive children. I say most, because Kaidin is an exception to the rule. We follow not so much a system as a general ‘If you’re good you get good things, if you’re bad you don’t‘ – we tried a points chart for a while (5 stickers in a row or a week and he got a prize) but it didn’t work. Now I just get him treats like the Bugs magazine he loves or a curlywurly bar if he has been good for a few days. My mother insists on getting him a present every time he visits her, even if he has not been good, a practise I greatly disagree with. It’s not hard to find easy chores (we changed half our dishes to re-usable plastic ones so he could help wash them) for kids to do just for an excuse to reward them.

In the end it all comes down to effort. Yes, my son wants a lot of attention and it’s hard when I’m in the middle of something to stop and focus on him. But it’s a lot easier to do that than to yell at and punish him when he does something bad because I didn’t spend that 5 minutes paying attention to him

Messing up my hair before bed

10 Things I’ve learnt parenting a hyper-child.

1. Physical activity is your friend – get a big yard and play footy, visit your local park a lot, enrol in sports classes, find a kids jungle gym. The more tired Kaidin is, the less energy he has to put into bugging me!
2. Watch their diet and avoid sugar, bad carbs and naything you have noticed that makes a difference in their behaviour – this includes when you get take out, visit friends or relatives and especially if you have a secret sugar stash. Read the labels on everything. This site is for ADHD diet tips, great for all hyperactive people.
3. Try meditation or baby yoga – Kaidin loves to do yoga with me. It’s good exercise and good practise for when he is older, plus it calms him down a lot and makes him focus and pay attention to what he is doing.
4. Make friends with read-a-loud books and CDs – A lot of the time when it gets to bedtime for Kaidin I am still running around cleaning, doing washing, cooking and feeding the animals and I don’t have time to read him a story. I also use these as a calm down activity – they go for about 10 to 20 minutes, so if he can sit quietly, listen and foolow the story in the book he is getting some reading practise and I get a break for a hot drink.
5. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. – get used to saying everything a few times over. There is no point getting angry when you have to repeat yourself because your child was focussed on something else when you said it. If you say something, say it until they can repeat it back to you.
6. Eye contact – this is to do with attention. Generally if Kaidin is looking at me, then at least a little of what I’m saying is getting through. The trick of getting down on your knees so you are at eye level with a child really does work.
7. Avoid double standards – if you want your child to listen to you, listen to them when they want you to. If you want your child to use manners / not swear / give you a break once in a while, then you have to do this for them too.
8. Set up lots of cheap activities that can be done in under 30 minutes – Kaidin has loads of colour-in books, activity books, fancy scissors, magazines to cut and paste (free travel brochures are good) and other small, cheap things that he can set up and pack away himself when I need my attention to be elsewhere. I say cheap because it’s horrible when you find your trillion-dollar art pastels have been used up or your good craft scissors made blunt from a kid cutting his own hair with them. The huge cheap 50L tubs with lids on wheels are great for storing these. We have an ‘art tub’ and ‘paper tub’ and a ‘misc tub’ at the moment and it’s so easy for Kaidin to just throw everything back quickly once he gets bored.
9. Be sensible – if your child is hyperactive it’s silly to think ‘I can just pop into the shop and he will wait quietly in a corner while I try on these jeans..’ Go to places like the shops, the bank, anywhere there is going to be expensive art work, etc. etc when your child is at school/daycare/babysitter/relative and save everyone the hassles.
10. Go natural – Kaidin reacted really well to Nature’s Way Kids Smart fish oil supplement. you can see a big difference when I forget to get some more from the health food shop. Your local naturopath will be able to point you in the right direction and give you some more detailed info on what supplements and foods are good / bad for hyperactive kids.

And an extra tip – get help when you need it. Work up a good networks of friends and relatives who don’t mind watching your child when you feel like you’re pulling your hair out. Don’t abuse this priviledge though – no one wants your hyperactive kid three nights a week!

I need a maid.

Why does my property manager always show up at 9am on the dot when the letter she sends clearly states ‘Your rent inspection will be between nine and three’? There is a good six hours there that I could spend cleaning. Plus I was in my dressing gown and that’s always not pretty. The dressing gown is – it’s blue and has cows on it and is so very warm – but me with my hair unbrushed and stinky morning breath, trying to be nice when I’ve had only 5 hours sleep and the dog has eaten my feather duster and left sticky feather remainders on the back lawn with all the holes… Very unpretty.

At least the house is clean. The back room is still hideously untidy and unvacuumed and the storage boxes are scattered instead of stacked neatly and I’ve just realised that I didn’t wipe down my desk, but who has a tidy sun room? really?

So now I can just run off to my day (Job interviews and lunch with my ex, wish me luck for both) and hope that she passes me even though Pepper has dug the doggy version of the grand canyon in the garden out the back and the front lawn is dying from the heat. At least that way I wont have to touch a mop for another three months.

It’s not that I’m lazy. I’m honestly not. It’s just that there are millions of things I’d rather be doing than lifting the couch to vacuum under it or making sure all the washing is put away in drawers instead of just thrown on top of them, like reading or playing with the dog or watching tv. Supernatural was on last night and if you think I’m going to scrub the grout in my bathroom rather than watch Jensen Ackles and Lauren Cohen throw witty rejoinders at each other, then you best get another thought fast.

Somewhere in between digging crap out from under my bed and doing the dishes (yes that IS Adam’s job, yes he DID sleep all yesterday while I cleaned. I wish I could work night shift. Then I could do nothing too.) I started reading Terry Pratchett’s The Science of Discworld which he wrote with Ian Stewart and Jack S. Cohen. And it is very very good. I started wondering about the extremes of focus, of aperture if you like, the idea that you can become obsessed with either the big stuff (aka finding out where we came from and where we are going*) or the small stuff (not ask the questions and just look at our own personal microcosmos – what am I going to eat today? Does pink look good on me?).

I was thinking about not knowing, being naieve as to the hows and whys of our universe and how much I am ok with that. Maybe I am focussed more on the ‘me’ side. Some scientists say that if I see my house as clean, it will be clean. That if I ‘think’ rich, I will become rich. Either way, I get a clean house (if I’m rich I will so hire a maid). Maybe the entire universe was created simply so I could have a clean house. Wouldn’t my landlord love that.

Well I am off to my job interview now, thinking rich thoughts. It’s still too early for Quantum Physics.