Zen and the art of raising hyperactive children

I say children in the title, even though I only have one child at the moment, because when I finally get around to having more there’s a very good chance that they are going to be small, hyperactive monsters also.

I always knew that there was a good chance that any child of mine was going to be hyperactive. My son has the concentration span of a goldfish, only actively listens to about 20% of what anyone says, finds it hard to entertain himself for any longer than 20 minutes and constantly demands attention – any kind of attention. Which is somewhat of a trial, to say the least.

Scoring a rare sugar treat at the Walk Against Warming
Note: The child to adult ratio at a big event like this should be 1:2, especially if you decide to bring the dog (Big disaster).

When Kaidin was young I decided that he would enjoy fruit and veges more than sugar. And I’ve pretty well succeeded – offer him a mango or a lolly and he’ll go straight for the mango. He snacks on raw carrots and celery and capsicum and prefers salad to heavy carbohydrate foods. I was told when he started showing signs of hyperactivity to feed him protein rich foods on a regular basis, avoid anything that had refined sugar, red colouring or high GI, which would make the hyperactive times worse and the post-energy slump intolerable. It worked pretty well – instead of 3 meals he had 5. Even his daycare and school fitted in with morning tea/recess and an afternoon snack.

His average school lunch is cut up fruit for recess (each child in his class brings a piece of fruit or veg or a wedge of cheese to share), a small tub of yoghurt, fruit juice, a ham and cheese sandwich (or a cheese and vegemite sandwich), more chopped fresh or dried fruit and then a treat (natural muesli bar, celery and peanut butter and in rare cases when I’m cross with his teachers, a chocolate bar like a chomp). Most kids in his class have a sanwich with hazelnut spread or jam, some highly processed muesli bar or rollup, a packet of chips and a sugary drink. I don’t see how this fills them up. Kaidin has a whole container just for chopped fruit that he can snack on – how much energy and nutrition can be in a processed lunch. And yet, he is one of the most hyperactive kids in his class – imagine if I did just feed him sugar!

Going nuts at the Fun Fact’ry
Kaidin’s biggest problem is probably listening skills. He simply doesn’t hear people asking him to do things (or NOT do things). Adam’s solution has been to get Kaidin to repeat every instruction back to him at least twice to make sre he has heard it. Sometimes this takes a bit of repeating! An example – It’s 7:30 and Futurama has finished, but the credits are rolling and the theme music is still on.

Me: Ok Kaidin, clothes in the laundry basket, go to the toilet and jump in the bath.
Kaidin: Ok Mum
Me 5 minutes later: Kaidin – in the bath
Kaidin: Ok Mum
Me 7 minutes later: Kaidin go to the toilet and get in the bath
Kaidin: Ok Mum (finally gets in the bath)
Me: Did you go to the toilet and put your clothes in the laundry?
Kaidin: No. You didn’t ask me to.

It’s not that he’s being naughty – It just literally goes in one ear and out the other! We are working on routine and repitition. He knows what time he comes home, watches Simpsons, has dinner, has a bath, goes to bed. He knows that he has to put his clothes in the laundry basket, his bag in his room, his shoes in his wardrobe and his plates in the sink. It is the constant repetition that has allowed him to remember this, not the telling. Routine is so important for hyperactive children – not only can you plan your day in advance around energy peaks and slumps, but when chores and activities become automatic it is much easier for children to complete them after being told only once.

Headed off to school (and very reluctant to stand still for a photo)

As well as routine, a reward system works really well with most hyperactive children. I say most, because Kaidin is an exception to the rule. We follow not so much a system as a general ‘If you’re good you get good things, if you’re bad you don’t‘ – we tried a points chart for a while (5 stickers in a row or a week and he got a prize) but it didn’t work. Now I just get him treats like the Bugs magazine he loves or a curlywurly bar if he has been good for a few days. My mother insists on getting him a present every time he visits her, even if he has not been good, a practise I greatly disagree with. It’s not hard to find easy chores (we changed half our dishes to re-usable plastic ones so he could help wash them) for kids to do just for an excuse to reward them.

In the end it all comes down to effort. Yes, my son wants a lot of attention and it’s hard when I’m in the middle of something to stop and focus on him. But it’s a lot easier to do that than to yell at and punish him when he does something bad because I didn’t spend that 5 minutes paying attention to him

Messing up my hair before bed

10 Things I’ve learnt parenting a hyper-child.

1. Physical activity is your friend – get a big yard and play footy, visit your local park a lot, enrol in sports classes, find a kids jungle gym. The more tired Kaidin is, the less energy he has to put into bugging me!
2. Watch their diet and avoid sugar, bad carbs and naything you have noticed that makes a difference in their behaviour – this includes when you get take out, visit friends or relatives and especially if you have a secret sugar stash. Read the labels on everything. This site is for ADHD diet tips, great for all hyperactive people.
3. Try meditation or baby yoga – Kaidin loves to do yoga with me. It’s good exercise and good practise for when he is older, plus it calms him down a lot and makes him focus and pay attention to what he is doing.
4. Make friends with read-a-loud books and CDs – A lot of the time when it gets to bedtime for Kaidin I am still running around cleaning, doing washing, cooking and feeding the animals and I don’t have time to read him a story. I also use these as a calm down activity – they go for about 10 to 20 minutes, so if he can sit quietly, listen and foolow the story in the book he is getting some reading practise and I get a break for a hot drink.
5. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. – get used to saying everything a few times over. There is no point getting angry when you have to repeat yourself because your child was focussed on something else when you said it. If you say something, say it until they can repeat it back to you.
6. Eye contact – this is to do with attention. Generally if Kaidin is looking at me, then at least a little of what I’m saying is getting through. The trick of getting down on your knees so you are at eye level with a child really does work.
7. Avoid double standards – if you want your child to listen to you, listen to them when they want you to. If you want your child to use manners / not swear / give you a break once in a while, then you have to do this for them too.
8. Set up lots of cheap activities that can be done in under 30 minutes – Kaidin has loads of colour-in books, activity books, fancy scissors, magazines to cut and paste (free travel brochures are good) and other small, cheap things that he can set up and pack away himself when I need my attention to be elsewhere. I say cheap because it’s horrible when you find your trillion-dollar art pastels have been used up or your good craft scissors made blunt from a kid cutting his own hair with them. The huge cheap 50L tubs with lids on wheels are great for storing these. We have an ‘art tub’ and ‘paper tub’ and a ‘misc tub’ at the moment and it’s so easy for Kaidin to just throw everything back quickly once he gets bored.
9. Be sensible – if your child is hyperactive it’s silly to think ‘I can just pop into the shop and he will wait quietly in a corner while I try on these jeans..’ Go to places like the shops, the bank, anywhere there is going to be expensive art work, etc. etc when your child is at school/daycare/babysitter/relative and save everyone the hassles.
10. Go natural – Kaidin reacted really well to Nature’s Way Kids Smart fish oil supplement. you can see a big difference when I forget to get some more from the health food shop. Your local naturopath will be able to point you in the right direction and give you some more detailed info on what supplements and foods are good / bad for hyperactive kids.

And an extra tip – get help when you need it. Work up a good networks of friends and relatives who don’t mind watching your child when you feel like you’re pulling your hair out. Don’t abuse this priviledge though – no one wants your hyperactive kid three nights a week!